Since my 38th birthday is now over and I did nothing but sleep all day and watch TV in celebration, I figured I'd do something constructive today. So I wrote the following and, from now on, it shall be used as my mission statement that I will follow for as long as it and I shall live.
I,
Douglas W. Salvador, now blogging and trying out a music career under the moniker
Derk Jickface, know that I am not perfect, nor will ever be. So being of soundish mind and out of shape body, I almost solemnly swear to uphold the following resolutions as best as humanly possible. And I promise with my utmost promise-keeping abilities, to try to strictly adhere to the following list of 38 statements even though it'll be impossible.
- I will always search for the truth for it will set me free supposedly
- I will not judge for it sucks being judged
- I will always help those who can convince me that I can help them
- I will not lie unless the truth means jail time
- I will not be self destructive in my behavior or judge others of theirs unless I decide to study law and eventually become a judge
- I will not give excuses to those who always have one
- I will not give up on purpose
- I will not judge a book until I start reading books again
- I will not study law to become a judge
- I will not put anyone else down in order to elevate myself or social status unless it will increase my web hits
- I will not be innocuous when being offensive works better for comedic purposes and shit
- I will not dumb down anything for the dumb nor will I close anything for the close minded
- I will not feel the need to correct everyone all the time even when they are full of shit and think they know everything
- I will sometimes judge a book by it's cover since a book can't judge back
- I will be passionate in my convictions
- I will be open minded to the beliefs and feelings of others
- I will treat others as I would like to be treated unless I am told that what I like is fucking crazy
- I will try to remain silent when I know my opinion isn't worth a damn
- I will always give my best in all things except that which I shouldn't be doing
- I will live by example yet will never figure out the equation
- I will remain calm and level headed if goaded into a conflict
- I will disperse only if asked with the word "please"
- I will not embellish when the truth will do the job
- I will never again maintain a job where it requires that I act my age
- I am only as old as the number of times I've rotated around the sun
- I will always be willing to learn that which I don't already know
- I will be moderate in all things when practicing everything in moderation
- I will not use obvious statements just to sound smart or use them to fill up blog posts
- I will not obsess over something that has little to do with anything
- I will learn what the things are that have little to do with anything
- I will remember that I am but a cog in the machine of life and often need maintenance
- I will not forget that we are all connected somehow in some way
- I will prolly call the police on those who trespass against my apartment
- I will prolly use "prolly" the majority of the time instead of "probably" when texting
- I will not answer in the form of a question
- I will eventually figure out my purpose
- I will rock the shit out this
- I will never quit
