Biography of an Awesome DJ who's convinced he's the BEST
Wanna hear it? Here it go.
BIOGRAPHY | OF A REAL PERSON
by Derk Jickface
That time I met him, I was like DAMN! |
Derk Jickface was born in the 70s, grew up as a kid in the 80s, graduated high school in the 90s, then became fucking awesome.
THE EARLY JERK GETS THE WORD
Derk played the trumpet in grade school, took piano lessons from 4-6 grade, got his first keyboard at age 12, and his first drum set at 13 which he played while being in many high school bands. No one could touch his CASIO Keyboard playing. He'd click those pre-programmed beats with his right hand and hit chords with his left like nobody's business. For his first concert, he used his Mom's vinyl record player cabinet for a keyboard stand and, as his secret weapon, used himself to play the best song he made in 1987 for a screaming audience of C.I.D. kids.
THE DISCO JERK
Soon after that, he traveled back a decade in time to the year 1977, when he was 2 yrs old and living in a golden age of eternal nightlife and dancing boogies on the disco yearrrghghgh ah ya... and quickly became known as "The Disco Jerk" around the city streets of Disco City before performing in a troupe of the BEST disco dancers Derk's ever been proud to share an impromptu life saving choreographed Disco Dance that ended up saving the entire Universe.
Then Derk decided to learn how to record and produce his own music by travelling forward in time, but aging backwards for some reason, to when he was in the 9th grade... when his awesomeness was already actively creating.
Then Derk decided to learn how to record and produce his own music by travelling forward in time, but aging backwards for some reason, to when he was in the 9th grade... when his awesomeness was already actively creating.
A TITLE FOR THE NEXT SECTION
He first learned to record audio signal on a Tascam 4 track analog tape "multi track" recorder. A few montages later, it was suddenly 1997 and Derk Jickface graduated college with an associates degree in science, a Masters in being the Best, and a doctorate of Dr. Dre's Beats.
AND THEN THE BIGGEST THING HAPPENED
Soon after graduating college, he became a licensed insurance agent for 13 years for no reason. It wasn't until 2010 when he happened to read an online guide book while trying to pass the time at his desk or something like that. The free E book was an indie survival guide for independent musicians which re inspired Derk to go back to doing what he loves....being the best at making awesome music and guaranteeing everyone that he is the best at everything.
THE FUTURE OF DERK JICKFACE REVEALED
He hopes to soon travel to the future to someday be High President John Earth Of America World City, who brings peace to Earth and saves the Universe by choreographing the perfect under wear dance. But then rules with an iron fist of justice and kung fu grip of bad assitude.
THIS D.J.'S GUARANTEE***
He promises to always guarantee that he will continue to do whatever he does that he thinks makes him such an awesome DJ who's the best at being awesome at everything all the time and forever.
