Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Learn To Disco - Vinyl Lessons By Derk

Buy one and get one at DOUBLE the price!  
Artwork by Derk

You TOO can learn to Disco dance just like all the fucking jerks you see on the club dance floor! 

For a limited time and only through this website offer*, you can order "Lesson One: The Jerk" absolutely FREE ** for a trial period of one month!***  If you like the awesome dance moves that you're GUARANTEED**** to learn after the "FREE** Month***Guaranteed**** Offer," simply sign up for the "A Lesson A Week" deal of a lifetime and you will receive a new disco dance lesson delivered straight to your mailbox *****every week for the next 64 years!  That's 3328  brand new****** disco dance lessons that are guaranteed**** to teach you  the AWESOME moves that will make all those pricks at the club wish they were you!  With the instructions clearly recorded and spoken by Derk Jickface , it is EASY to listen and FOLLOW the recorded clear instructions.  Then after the 78 minutes of  the "LESSON"on side A is over, flip the record to put your moves to use by listening to the same disco song that will appear on every lesson. 

You can't not unlearn dance moves, CAN YOU?!?!

Don't be an asshole and pass up this awesome once in a lifetime offer like everyone did in 1975.  Instead, be AWESOME and be ORIGINAL by following  Derk Jickface's exact instructions every week and then tear up that club's dance floor with style.  Stand out from the crowd by joining our "Refer a FRIEND Deal" and soon all your friends will be doing the same exact, original dance moves as you in perfect unity!

Can you think of ANYTHING that is BETTER or ACTUALLY EXISTS*?


Don't listen to all those who say you CAN'T do this or SHOULDN'T do that.  Don't even listen to the voice of reason in your head.  You sort of like dancing right?  Then why are you still reading and not ordering this REAL bargain of the deal of your life time, for you to enjoy for the rest of your life probably?  Is it because you are an asshole or what?
   

Are you able to imagine the SERIOUSNESS in my tone of voice?


Simply sign up for $49.99 per lesson to be electronically transferred every week from your credit card, bank account, piggy bank, car drink holder change pile etc., and you will enjoy the feeling of having less money to waste on other, non-awesome things!   You can't not unwin this sensational game of learning to dance!

SIGN UP 



*offer doesn't actually exist and isn't real
**Free offer lasts for 30 days
***Trial Offer starts when order is processed and ends 30 days after.  Please allow First Lesson 2-3 months for delivery.
**** Not Guaranteed
***** Records will not be delivered if a standard 78 vinyl record album does not fit in a standard mailbox*******
******NOT new
*******standard mailbox doesn't fit a standard 78 record album